Divorce Separation Remarriage Healing - Barbara Pijan Lama Jyotisha Vedic Astrology

Material Dissolution of legal marriage contract, splitting of assets, reversal of vows:

In consultation, clients who are experiencing a difficult bhukti of L-12 or Ketu may ask if their marriage is heading toward divorce. The answer will depend on several other conditions:

The total experience of divorce (social, emotional, physical, psychological, financial, familial, etc.) is defined primarily by the conditions of domain-8 and its lord.

'Du-sthana' means 'difficult' - but dushthamsha does not mean 'evil in any permanent sense. 'Randhra bhava is not an inherently "bad" house; rather it is the bhava which represents the turning of the cycle of life & death. Divorce is not an inherently evil event, Rather it is, socially and emotionally, 4a passage from one phase of life into the next.

The conditions applying to domain-8 will indicate whether the experience of divorce is part of the native's tantric path in this lifetime (for many, it is not); and if divorce is in the script, how will divorce affect the native? Divorce can be impoverishing or enriching, exhausting or exhilarating.

Upon dissolution of marriage, the location of L-8 = into which department of life the joint assets travel. (Also true of spouse's money in general.)

The stronger the karaka by rashi, drishti etc. the stronger its divorce-remarriage effects:

is not a divorce karaka but rather signifies determined hard-working plodding through an an arduous or disappointing marriage.

Gives determination to tolerate a emotionally or financially withholding, or low-caste or underperforming, spouse.

Depending on other "permission" graha, the native may not need to accept their marital oppression indefinitely.

This placement of Shani/7 typically shows sustained karma of a troublesome spouse for a long period, even if divorce does eventually occur when bhukti of a divorce graha (see table above) releases the karma..

Best results with an older or conservative spouse. For social reasons, Shani in domain-7 is generally an easier placement for a female.

Irreconcilable differences leading to physical separation frequently occur at milestones of 9-10, 14-15, 17-18, 27-28 -or- 29-30, 36-37, or 45-48 years.

Legal Divorce may occur some years after the physical separation, depending on the strength of the arudha lagna.

There are very few divorces after 45 years of marriage. (Yes, there are some, due to vimshottari dasha considerations not affected by these transit cycles.)

Any of these milestone "returns" that might occur simultaneously with bhukti of L-2 or L-8, can contribute considerable momentum to a divorce.

If these connections are not present, structural weakness in the marriage enhances likelihood of divorce:

Where we are lucky enough to have verified birth data for both spouses in a divorce case, it is almost always the case that one spouse will be "invisible" to the other and that this inability to recognize the other person's psycho-emotional reality is the underlying cause of "irreconcilable differences" in divorce.

Timing of "divorce" most often means, the bhukti & gochara nodes in effect when couple physically separates with a clear intention to divorce.

"Moving out" and "starting over" often happens years before a final legal settlement is reached.

Divorce related events such as when the legal divorce petition is "filed" or when it is "final" do often follow quickly, and are completed within the initial physical separation bhukti..

These actions are less personal and more about social position, property, custody, etc.

If the twelfth house (of illusions) has a very strong Arudha lagna -- which is to say there is a strong power of Public Illusion functioning in the person's life -- and the seventh house is also weak - the public admission of divorce (legal decree) may occur many years after moving-out.

In real life the gap between an internally (spiritually/emotionally) weak marriage and the external, public appearance of a strong bond is often found in couples who are public figures, pillars of their community, who hold political or religious office, or otherwise have an instrumental need to maintain a convincing public "face" of continuing marriage long after they have separated.

Should a person's radix chart display this combination of weak-7th with strong Upapada, they are not marked as a hypocrite or a compulsive liar. Usually the forces of public expectation are much stronger than the individual's own courage to be honest, and the consequences of public announcement of divorce too painful to one or both parties. Watch for the period of the lord of 2nd-from-Upapada to see the public announcement.

Marriage is not only a private relationship, but it is also a public institution. Regardless of private truth, public perceptions can determine the marriage public status.

2nd-from any house shows the saturation (death) of matters contained in that house. 7th house rules marriage, the first marriage in particular. Timing of "saturation point" when this life's karma in the matter of marriage relations is completed, is set by the scheduled period of the lord of 2nd-from-current-marriage.

Of course the regular dasha rotations of separation-causing house lords do not guarantee separation of marriage partners. Far from it!

Marriage as the core social and emotional bond of adult life, will remain secure by default unless significant destabilizing yogas affect Venus, Jupiter, or the marriage house(s).

Marriage is a powerful yoga! For most people, ego-attachment to the marriage partner's body/personality is second only to ego-attachment to one's own body/personality!

Only if other factors are leading to instability in marriage, do we go looking for the culprit "2nd-from" lord to indicate timing of separation.

Divorce is a form of Death. The spouse has become spiritually unrecognizable, and the love bond is severed. Often divorce induces grief more profound than physical death. With bodily death one can acknowledge the guiding hand of destiny, but with divorce one may hold oneself ethically responsible for having lost the ability to recognize the soul of the once beloved. Therefore divorce can be emotionally and spiritually as traumatic as death.

From a karmic point of view, divorce is the result of a marriage contract having become saturated and completed. In these dark days of Kali Yuga, when our experience of the "natural" is "iron-ically" reversed, divorce is natural and necessary separation experience that completes a specific karmic agenda.

The social & emotional experience of divorce is often profoundly painful, but like most forms of dis-enchantment, the divorce experience can willingly serve the spirit's hunger for karmic rectification.

Depending on the individual's level of consciousness, the divorce experience, of alienation, separation, often disappointment or even despair, may serve as a valuable spiritual exercise, preparing the aware person for the inescapable separation experience which awaits them at death.

The difficulty with divorce lies not in the natural fact that the cycle of birth and death moves constantly forward, but rather with social and personal resistance to this natural cycle. A persistent social condemnation of Divorce -- even in the face of the "50%" reality - is rooted in our hopeless and puerile resistance to Death.

Those who fear the great cycles will fear the small cycles. Therefore it is recommended to adopt a larger view of the cycle of birth and death. Allow your fear of all these little changes to melt away.

Traditionally it is recommended to stay with a difficult partnership as a form of religious austerity -- unless and until the marriage begins to cause more harm than good. It will be useful to see which distasteful aspects of oneself the now-abhorrent partner is mirroring, in order to gain self-knowledge, neutrality -- and release petty control. However after that summary knowledge is gained, divorce may naturally -- often compassionately -- be sought.

Divorce can be forecast from the astrological charts. Unfortunately, he who cannot admit the transient nature of all reality, will prefer to shoot the messenger! So please do not ask for astrological advice on this subject unless you really want to know.

If yuvati bhava is afflicted by separative planets like Saturn and Mars, the person may experience multiple marriages within a single lifetime. The "yoke" binding two separate persons in marriage is weakened by past-life karma, and may be broken repeatedly. The yoga of Mars afflicting the rashi seventh house OR seventh-from-Moon is called kuja-dosha. Kuja dosha tells us that there will be an adversarial situation in the first marriage along with a strong sexual instinct. Kuja dosha suggests a pattern of impatience with the intimate partner, leading to many, relatively short, relationships. There are weaker and stronger versions of kuja dosha, so if you have this condition don't panic - it can be corrected through awareness!

Saturn affecting yuvati may show loneliness, with few relationships or none. Rahu/Ketu on the 1-7 axis, or afflicting the 7th Lord, may give long absences, multiple partners, obsessions, and cultural conflicts.

Material separation through divorce alienates the partners only on the temporary material plane of the current incarnation. It does not alienate the two souls eternally. Actually, the separation will be caused by past-life karma and will be precisely what each soul needs in order to advance its wisdom in the current lifetime. Yes, we live in Kali Yuga - but evolution proceeds. Two people who are divorcing each other are providing each other an important spiritual service. whether they recognize that or not.

One of the greatest benefits of death and divorce (along with other types of separation-induced suffering) is that the person may, if blessed with sufficient consciousness, use their anger and dissatisfaction as jet-fuel to propel them out of normal reality, into divine reality. The great Saints have all suffered terrible grief. However, they didn't get stuck in it. They weren't attached to their frustration. They used their social "failure" as a reason to quest higher. And shortly thereafter they were glad they did!

Nevertheless, separations of all kinds cause suffering, and divorce like death often produces suffering of the most acute type. Not only is the person suffering emotional loneliness and invalidation within the broken partnership, but they are often simultaneously being punished by society at large. Because society values stability more than any other virtue, those who quake the pillars can expect to be reprimanded!

Compassion demands that we take special care to review the esoteric structure of karmic cycles when discussing divorce and death. It is important to observe neutrally, with an objective eye. The spirit will use any means at its disposal to advance its quest for wisdom. If death, miscarriage, divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, or other apparent losses are required to meet the spirit's agenda, so be it.

We know in advance that the fruits of separation-caused sufferings are wisdom, freedom, and bliss. We observe Saturn, Mars, and "evil" house Lords doing their karmic duty. After pruning, the tree bears sweet fruits.

First of all, Shukra and domain-7 indicate marriage for men who marry women. As Shri Raman says, Women have their own system. Guru indicates the first husband, Shani is the 2nd husband, and graha associated with Shani indicate third and subsequent husbands.

In my records, there is a case of a woman known to me who was married and divorced five times before the age of 42. In her nativity, all graha except chandra-rahu occupy a rashi of Shani. Marriage-1 comes from Guru. Marriages 2-3-4-5 come from Shani and three graha with Shani. After she exhausted the karma of each of Guru in a rashi of Shani, then Shani, then three graha with Shani, she stopped getting married and entered a monastery. She is now a great healer and saint.

Many Western clients have three or more marriages. There is a certain type of person who re-marries rather consistently with each nodal return (approx every 9 years, and more often during Rahu-Ketu periods). Also, frequently, in nativities of multiple-marriage persons, domain-7 is empty, and neither Shani nor Shukra have co-tenants.

In my practice (at least so far!) I find that L-2 is the best significator of the 2nd marriage partner male or female, and that most public aspects of the 2nd spouse's life can be read from domain-2 as lagna. (e.g., career of 2nd spouse = 10th-from-2nd, = native's domain-11).

Timing of a Second marriage

Marriage and all remarriages will follow the same timing rules:

Bhukti of one of these classic marriage-makers:
- Shani, Shukra, Rahu or Ketu
- navamsha L-7 or navamsha L-1
Rahu/Ketu transit through one of these axes
- D-1 or D-9 nodal axis
- D-1 or D-9 lagna axis
- D-1 or D-9 axis of Moon

What to expect in the next spouse:

Public characteristics of the next-in-line spouse are seen through the following lagnas:

1st spouse lagna = house=7
2nd spouse lagna = house-2
3rd spouse lagna = house-9
4th spouse lagna = house-4

Determine each spouse's previous marriages, children, relatives, and business affairs by counting geometrically from the lagna of the relevant spouse-house.

E.g.,

career of 1st spouse = 10th-from-7th = bandhu bhava [also see the radix lord of the 4th navamsha]
career of 2nd spouse = 10th-from-2nd = labha bhava [also see the radix lord of the 11th navamsha]
career of 3rd spouse = 10th-from-9th = ripu bhava [also see the radix lord of the 6th navamsha]
(previous) children of 2nd spouse = 5th-from-2nd = ari bhava [also see the radix lord of the 6th navamsha]
(previous) spouse of 2nd spouse = 7th-from-2nd = randhra bhava [also see the radix lord of the 8th navamsha]

"Like birds collecting on a tree in the night and then going their separate ways in the morning, the union of all beings inevitably ends in separation. "

~~ Buddha Charita 6.46

What am I trying to learn psycho-spiritually via the mirror of this marriage?

1-7 axis of navamsha =core dynamic of marriage (i.e., what you see about yourself in the mirror of the first marriage)

Typically the lord of the 7th navamsha, as He behaves in radix, describes the spouse while the lord of 1st navamsha, as He behaves in radix, describes oneself. However these classic roles can easily be reversed, with Self being more the L-7 and Other being more the L-1. Because marriage is inherently interactive the spouses can switch roles during the course of the marriage also. What matters is, do you see the repeating pattern in the mirror?

for first marriage, radix L-7's navamsha lord, as He behaves in radix
- e.g., if Vrishabha rashi owns radix-7, find Shukra's navamsha. Then find the lord of Shukra's navamsha in radix.
- You can see your matching energy which attracts you (for good or evil) to this spouse. The matching energy is a dormant part of yourself which you will only see through the mirror of the spouse's behavior. The spouse will relate to other people in different ways, but your spouse will relate to you in a way that specifically

for second marriage, radix L-2's navamsha lord, as He behaves in radix

e.g., if radix dhana bhava = Dhanau, find Guru's navamsha. Then find that navamsha lord in radix. The radix graha will show what part of *yourself* you are seeking to develop within the 2nd-marriage partnership.

for third marriage, radix L-9's navamsha lord, as He behaves in radix

e.g., if radix dharma bhava = Karka, find Chandra's navamsha. Then find that navamsha lord in radix. The radix graha will show what part of *yourself* you are seeking to develop within the 3rd-marriage partnership.

How to Profile Future Spouses -

For all marriages, the psycho-emotional experience of relating to the spouse should be measured from Chandra lagna.

To appreciate the deeper psycho-emotional impact of the marriage partnerships, read the emotional character of marriages as

7th-from-Moon (marriage-1),
2nd-from-Moon (marriage-2),
9th-from-Moon (marriage-3)
11th-from-Moon (marriage-4)
and so forth.

Be sure to examine any graha which might occupy these houses. Graha's in the domain indicated will characterize the emotional tenor of marriages.

analytical (Budha)
constrained or disciplined (Shani),
pleasure-loving and indulgent (Shukra),
competitive (Kuja),
expansive and inclusive (Guru),
withdrawn and disconnected (Ketu),
passionate and desiring experiences (Rahu)

Also the house lords should be considered - a full analysis of this relative-to-Chandra house is required.

THEN, have a look at the angle formed between radix Chandra and the appropriate marriage house.

marriage-1 = the angle formed by the distance between radix Chandra and domain-7
marriage-2 = the angle formed by the distance between radix Chandra and domain-2
marriage-3 = the angle formed by the distance between radix Chandra and domain-9
marriage-4 = the angle formed by the distance between radix Chandra and domain-11
and so forth

How do you feel about the prospects of this forthcoming marriage? Is there a graha or cluster of graha's in this house? The distance between Chandra and the marriage-house will reveal a match between the spouse and another member of your family or community environment.

E.g., distance between Chandra and domain-2 for second marriage = 3/9, with the 2nd-marriage house being 9th-from-Chandra. Surely there will be strong emotional parallels between the 2nd spouse and one's father. If there are graha in this house, there is a historic pattern of strong interactions (positive or negative) with the father which will color the relationship to the 2nd spouse.

Example - distance between Chandra and the marriage house(s)

Here is the D-1/D-9 of a woman who has been married three times;

Jyotisha nativity radix navamsha for three marriages

Vrischika = domain-7 = her first marriage. The angle from Chandra to domain-6 is unfavorable, domain-7= 6th-from-Chandra

The native experienced much animosity and emotional conflict in her first marriage.

(Furthermore, the lord of domain-7 is very strong in 6th-from-7th, an additional indicator of animosity and social conflict, hard to maintain the marriage contract. Also indicates that the husband was an athlete, an engine mechanic and a surgeon.)

The first marriage ended in a moderately amicable divorce.

The second marriage angle between Chandra and domain-2 is an auspicious 1-1 angle: that is, Chandra occupies domain-2.

The native is powerfully identified with the second spouse and deeply emotionally attached to him. She finds that her core identity is stored in this marriage and she remains deeply involved with this spouse despite cultural disconnection (Ketu) and due to shared children (Guru).

Furthermore Mithuna - domain-2 - is also the navamsha lagna, loaded up with an intense complex of graha. Clearly most of the native's relationship energy is invested in marriage-2.

The second marriage ended in a complex divorce involving children (Guru) and the emotional connection while partially severed does continue. Mithuna is a highly sexual rashi and that phenomenon continues also, due to the emotional-attachment pull of the Moon.

The third marriage indicated by domain-9 is also inauspiciously located in 8th-from-Moon.

The third spouse is a religious authority figure with an excellent public reputation but also many hidden interests, 8th-from-Chandra.

The third marriage ended in divorce with an excellent financial settlement for the native, due to favorable graha in domain-8.

It is fine to examine domain-1 and angles from domain-1 to understand the material behaviors of the first spouse, such as their profession, their values, their health etc.

Similar for domain-2 for the second spouse, domain-9 for the third spouse, domain-4 for spouse #4, domain-11 for spouse #5 etc.

For example:

Third spouse = your 9th house. Third spouse's mother will be the 4th-from-your-9th, i.e. your house 12 (a house of loss and release - this relationship may be foggy and emotionally draining unless you consciously manage your psychic boundaries.) Be sure to examine the 4th- from- your-9th in BOTH your rashi and your navamsha.

Note on navamsha: The navamsha picture is frequently more accurate for the affairs of the spouse. If the profile of the specific relative does not emerge by reading the relevant spouse from the 7th, 2nd, or 9th navamsha, a further step of reading the relevant spouse from the 1st, 8th, or 3rd navamsha may be required.

Fourth spouse = your 4th house. Fourth spouse's younger brother will be the 3rd-from-your-4th i.e. house 6 (a difficult house full of animosity, debt and illness - this relationship naturally feels like work and can slip into victim mentality unless you consciously manage your contracts and agreements.)

Note on navamsha: The navamsha picture is frequently more accurate for the affairs of the spouse. If the profile of the specific relative does not emerge by reading the relevant spouse from the 7th, 2nd, or 9th navamsha, a further step of reading the relevant spouse from the 1st, 8th, or 3rd navamsha may be required.
Be sure to examine the 3rd-from-your-4th in BOTH your rashi and your navamsha. The navamsha picture is frequently more accurate for the affairs of the spouse.

On a more pleasant note, the third spouse's oldest child, while rarely your biological child, will normally look and act like you! This odd but usually successful bond is due to this relationship occurring in 5th-from-your-9th, your rashi lagna! (Of course, if your rashi lagna is troubled, look for a mirror image of those troubles in this child.) Be sure to examine the 5th- from- your-9th in BOTH your rashi and your navamsha. The navamsha picture is frequently more accurate for the affairs of the spouse.

Marriage vs. Love

Marriage is seen via Yuvati and Romance --entertainment, love-affair & love-of-children-- is seen via putra bhava.

Even if no marriage is forthcoming, your love life might be fabulous!

If house-5 & its Lord are strong, periods of L-5 will bring plenty of love. L-5 love is not concerned with social duty but rather is a celebration of the self. Typically L-5 periods produce pure love (with either lovers or children) that does not require the social validation and/or bondage of legal marriage.

It is quite possible to have a life filled with marvelous romance while living completely free of marriage - and vice versa!

Benefics in yuvati sthana

Guru in yuvati does not prevent divorce, but rather creates a friendly post-divorce relationship. Example = divorce 7.

Guru or Shukra in randhra bhava is also helpful for positive resource sharing post-divorce: generous alimony, continuing friendly concern for the welfare of the ex-spouse, cooperative co-parenting, etc.

Sample Divorce charts *First Divorce*
Divorce 1: Divorce 2: Fifteen yr marriage, amicable separation, child Divorce 3: Divorce 4: Brief "green-card" marriage, male remarried Divorce 5: Prince Charles & Princess Diana, married 1981, divorced 1995; Charles remarried April 2005. Divorce 6: Five-year childless union, much fighting, amicable separation Divorce 7: Amicable divorce after 7-yr marriage; no children Divorce 8: High-conflict divorce with children after 18-yrs, forecast for remarriages Divorce 10: Martha Stewart, married 1961, divorced 1990 Divorce 13: Princess Anne Laurence, divorce with children; remarriage	Divorce 14: 40-something couple with children: divorce or reconciliation? Divorce 15: Brad Pitt (actor). Followed by 2nd union with children Divorce 18: Britney Spears (entertainer), hi-profile divorce with child custody battle Divorce 19: Family pressure on a mixed-caste marriage Divorce 20: extra-marital affair will convert to 2nd marriage? Divorce 21: Jennifer Aniston (actor) Divorce 22: Brilliant International couple with children: cultures of blaming and guilt
*Second Divorce*
Divorce 17: Couple twice married and twice divorced to each other Divorce 18: Divorced man waiting 10 years to remarry ex-wife	Divorce 11: Two Marriages & Two Divorces for professional female
*Third Divorce Plus*
Divorce 12: Fifth divorce for sensitive female, age 46 Actress Elizabeth Taylor: 8 times married, once widowed; 7 times divorced	Divorce 9: Three Divorces before Age 34, single parent Divorce 16: Rush Limbaugh, Three Divorces before age 54; no children Divorce 23: Larry King, television and radio personality, eight times divorced

Some philosophical Jyotisha observations about Divorce:

Whatever happens is by definition for the highest good. No need to fret. More relaxing to accept and go with the flow.

Astrologically any planets in the 8^th house will serve the spirit’s interests by heightening the person’s awareness of the turning of the cycle of birth and death. Planetary periods of 8^th house planets – especially such a detached, philosophical agent at Ketu – must create the type of events that serve to heighten awareness of death.

Domain-8 is not especially concerned with physical death. (Physical death = dhana bhava, the 2^nd house.)

Rather, randhra bhava = *awareness* of death, or more properly, awareness of the cycle of birth and death.
Near-death experiences, divorce, emergencies, great healings, and esoteric transformation teachings are all part-and-parcel of Randhra bhava, the 8^th house.

In fact, there is no success or failure in marriage. People come together for the highest work that their mutual awareness will allow. When the work is completed, they move on.

One will reconnect with your current spouse again in your next life. Our reincarnation groups are remarkably small. The groups consist of only 75-100 people who batch together for intensive interactive psychic work, over and over again.

One can be certain that you have been married to this person before, and quit likely will be again. You have also been their mother and father before, been their child and boss before, their guru and their student before.

In our long-life era, most westerners can expect two or three significant love unions. Compared to our ancestors of previous millennia, we have incredible health and strength. Our sense of possibility is vastly expanded from the survival obsessions of generations past.

Longer-lasting and stronger bodies offer the opportunity to process a large and diverse array of karmic backlogs with in one lifetime.

In many parts of the world, marriage is no longer a survival-driven choice propelled by material necessity. Many folks incarnated within the past two centuries have enjoyed the privilege of choosing their own partner for purposes of psycho-emotional development rather than for sheer physical or social survival.

Interpersonal psycho-emotional work is not any easier or more amusing than the work of physical or social survival. It is just another level of karmic backlog that is sitting there waiting to get worked out, i.e., ignorance transformed into wisdom. Nevertheless it is an earned privilege to reach the level of material luxury which allows even the possibility of multiple, voluntarily chosen marriage unions.

Yes, divorce is a privilege!

We can deal with karmic emotional backlogs of two or three or more previous-life marriages, within one lifetime, these days! To move the ignorance-to-wisdom process along more quickly, to keep the pace of karmic story-processing fast and active, divorce is essential.

Yes, divorce is essential. Death is essential.

Quite frequently, I see aware people who are asking me for advice on marriage number four or number five. (Usually they are in their 50’s & 60’s for the 4th or 5th marriage, but occasionally much younger.)

In my twenties I was more judgmental, accepting the conventional social wisdom that it’s better to build character by staying with one difficult partner rather than indulging in multiple sexual attractions. But I’ve come to appreciate, through seeing thousands of astrological charts, that marriage is the key karmic work of our era. We need to do as much of this relationship work as possible, which often means multiple marriage commitments, and that is a good thing.

Some people have chosen fast-track incarnations where they are healing a huge amount of old karmic backlog, by reconnecting with multiple serial monogamous partners. The key indication of success in a multiple-marriage lifetime, IMO, is whether one can remain neutral friends with the former spouse.

That’s the proof IMO that the work was truly completed, and everyone feels good about what was accomplished. Many people are able to enjoy good relationships with former spouses these days. The social judgment of “failed marriage” runs off them like water off a duck’s back.

Yes, it's all for the highest good.

You know this as a spirit. Shani who governs social control has only one simple goal: absolute stability. Society very much criticizes change of any kind, particularly changes in caste, level, or power such as change of marital status. Social control judgment will punish you with criticism of “failed marriage”. But the spirit itself has only one simple goal: transformation of ignorance into wisdom – i.e., change!

Naturally, there are times when the spirit and society are very much at loggerheads. At these times, including during the divorce process, it is validating and healing to re-assert the primacy of spirit, and to acknowledge that one is actively engaging in healthy transformative change. Divine Intelligence does not punish, criticize, or judge.

Society and social control agents do punish, criticize, and judge - often vigorously. Therefore be on the alert for punishment energy and be ready to re-assert the primacy of spirit!!

For best results, ignore social opinion, and go with the spirit.

As the Apostle Paul said: "Choose Life!"

View on counseling the participants in Extra-marital Affairs

Subject: Curtain Rods Priceless

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

:))

"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married." ~~ Katharine Hepburn

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."~~ Steven Seagal

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." ~~ Bob Ettinger

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." ~~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Marriage is a great institution -- but I'm not ready for an institution yet." ~~ Mae West

"Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning: to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." ~~ Robin Williams

Where does hatred come from?

Q: Where does hatred come from?

A: Dalai Lama:

"That is a question which requires long hours of discussion. From the Buddhist viewpoint, the simple answer is that it is beginningless. As a further explanation, Buddhists believe that there are many different levels of consciousness.

The most subtle consciousness is what we consider the basis of the previous life, this life, and future lives. This subtle consciousness is a transient phenomenon which comes about as a consequence of causes and conditions.

Buddhists have concluded that consciousness itself cannot be produced by matter. Therefore, the only alternative is to accept the continuation of consciousness. So that is the basis of the theory of rebirth.

Where there is consciousness, ignorance and hatred also arise naturally. These negative emotions, as well as the positive emotions, occur right from beginningless time. All these are a part of our mind. However, these negative emotions actually are based on ignorance, which has no valid foundation.

None of the negative emotions, no matter how powerful, have a solid foundation.
On the other hand, the positive emotions, such as compassion or wisdom, have a solid basis: there is a kind of grounding & rootedness in reason and understanding, which is not the case with afflictive emotions like anger and hatred.

The basic nature of the subtle consciousness itself is something neutral. So it is possible to purify or eliminate all of these negative emotions. That basic nature we call Buddha-nature.

Hatred and negative emotions are beginningless; they have no beginning, but there is an end.

Consciousness itself has no beginning and no end; of this we are certain."

~~ H.H. Dalai Lama, Healing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective. Geshe Thupten Jinpa (Trans.). www.snowlionpub.com

Q: How can we eliminate the deepest source of all unsatisfactory experience?

A: "Only by cultivating certain qualities within our mindstream. Unless we possess high spiritual qualifications, there is no doubt that the events life throws upon us will give rise to frustration, emotional turmoil, and other distorted states of consciousness.
These imperfect states of mind in turn give rise to imperfect activities, and the seeds of suffering are ever planted in a steady flow.
On the other hand, when the mind can dwell in the wisdom that knows the ultimate mode of being, one is able to destroy the deepest root of distortion, negative karma and sorrow."

~~ H.H. Dalai Lama, The Path to Enlightenment. Glenn H. Mullin (Trans. & Ed.). www.snowlionpub.com

When someone whom I have helped

Or in whom I have placed great hopes

Mistreats me in extremely hurtful ways

May I regard him still as my precious teacher.

~~ Shantideva, verse 6, Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life

Reconciliation with the Divine, Purification, Disclosure, Transformation

"It makes no sense to brood anxiously on the harmful actions we have committed in the past to the point where we become paralyzed. They are done, it is over.

If the person is a believer in God, the appropriate action is to find some means of reconciliation with Him.

So far as Buddhist practice is concerned, there are various rites and practices for purification.

When the individual has no religious beliefs, however, it is surely a matter of acknowledging and accepting any negative feelings we may have in relation to our misdeeds and developing a sense of sorrow and regret for them.

But then, rather than stopping at mere sorrow and regret, it is important to use this as the basis for resolve, for a deep-seated commitment never again to harm others and to direct our actions all the more determinedly to the benefit of others.

The act of disclosure, or confession, of our negative actions to another--especially to someone we really respect and trust--will be found to be very helpful in this.

We are quite wrong if we merely acknowledge the gravity of our actions inwardly and then, instead of confronting our feelings, give up all hope and do nothing. This only compounds the error.

Above all, we should remember that as long as we retain the capacity of concern for others, the potential for transformation remains."

~~ H. H. Dalai Lama. ( 1999). Ethics for the New Millennium. Riverhead Press.

Mistreatment in Relationships

"According to worldly norms of human behavior, when we help someone and place great trust in them and they mistreat us in return, it is seen as reasonable to be angry with them because we have been hurt.
However, practitioners of bodhicitta must not give in to this type of conventional thinking.
Instead, we should learn to view such people in a special way, as objects for our practice of forbearance and loving kindness.
We must in fact recognize these people as our spiritual teachers."

~~ H.H. Dalai Lama. (2005). Lighting the Way. Geshe Thupten Jinpa (Trans.). www.snowlionpub.com