Divorce 14

Sixteen-year Marriage, with Children

Divorce or Reconciliation?

Dual-professional couple met in the workplace, formed a love marriage, and traveled to a new land, where they gained social respectability and wealth.

• After 16 years they have built a substantial financial estate and produced several children. The children are prized and doted upon.

• These partners share a tremendous material work ethic. They are supported by conservative extended families on both sides who reinforce values of loyalty, stability, personal dignity, and good citizenship.

• As this marriage progressed in time, and their professional work schedules combined with parenting duties came to consume most of their relationship energy. Under modern performance stress, they suffered a predictable shortfall in natural affection and empathy.

• The Chandra-Shatataraka male withdrewinto the private bubbleof workload and substance abuse, while the Chandra-Swati female Flew Awayinto sweet infidelity.

• Externally much admired in their communities and appearing to be successful work-life jugglers, they were in fact leading lives of quiet despair. At the time of the original consultation, both declared profound love for their children along with a long-held expectation that neither partner would be able to make the behavioral changes needed to make the marriage flourish. They did both however expect that even without healthy changes, the marriage would probably "survive" as a public facade and shelter for their children.

• Divorce in their country of origin is still very much stigmatized.

• is divorce forecast?

• is reconciliation forecast?

• if divorce is forecast, what arrangements for co-parenting? Division of the estate? Social/extended family response? Would either partner remarry?

• if reconciliation is forecast, does this mean conscious austerity and a return to stoic duty? or is it possible for this parent-couple to find authentic empathic love with each other?

General overview of marriage links:

• positive = female Thula moon matches male Thula-Mesha navamsha nodes and Thula-Mesha radix lagna

• positive = female Makara-Karkata nodes match male Makara-Karkata navamsha lagna

• positive = male Kumbha moon matches female Kumbha-Simha navamsha lagna

• positive = male L-7 in 1 = strong social identification with his married status

• positive = Chandra-Swati and Chandra-Shatataraka = highly compatible, both = Rahu-ruled

• negative = female L-7 Guru in 6 indicates first husband health issues of nervous system or skin, and self-indulgence

• Male = kuja dosha on 7

• negative = female (for marriage, but good for life in general) L-1 in 1 Bhadra yoga - native is self-identified and not overly needful of external validationfrom profession or from marriage

Vimshottari periods:

• Female

  • female in Vimshottari period of Budha+L-2 Shukra, easily a divorce maker as Shukra = lord of emotional Chandra in 2nd-from lagnesha/mahadasha pati.

  • She is looking for a regeneration of marriagein the period of 8th-from-7th.

  • Shukra + Chandra= the "spoiled" personality which tends to pursue immediate personal need for sweet without thought of impact upon others

• Male

  in Shani+L-11 Surya period. While a difficult period due to adversarial nature of Shani duty vs. Surya independence, Shani = the YogakarakaL-4+L-5 and lord of Kumbha Chandra; and Shani-Surya occupy a 5/9 angle and L-11 Surya is gainful.

  • Other charismatic adult males (Surya) may appear as threats during Shani/Surya, esp if they earn higher salaries

  • however the husband is enjoying an excellent mahadasha of the YogakarakaShani who occupies Makara in 4 = extremely stable albeit emotionally unavailable due to Shani = 12th from Chandra (emotions drained off by work duties)

  • the only two weak bhukti periods in his entire Shani Mahadasha=

    • Shani/Rahu where Rahu = 6th-from-Shani. This period indicates animosity but Budha normally will not give divorce.

    • Shani/Ketu where Ketu = 12th-from-Shani and Ketu = karaka for divorce. Ketu's lord Guru in 6 similarly can produce some discord but not divorce.

At the time of the Query:

Ketu and Shani transiting Simha Rashi

female = Rahu gochara D-9 lagna + Shani gochara D-9 yuvati

male = Rahu gochara Chandra + Shani gochara drishti Chandra

Gochara Rahu/Ketu crossing Kumbha/Simha =

• wife's navamsha lagna =Kuja/Guru

• husband's Kumbha-Chandra

Gochara Shani crossing Simha =

• wife's radix L-12 Ravi, wife's navamsha lagna

• husband's L-10 radix Moon/Budha axis , husband's navamsha Shani

Bhukti at time of query:

• wife = Budha+L-2 Shukra (divorce lord)

• husband = Shani/ L-11 Surya. divorce not indicated.

Quick Judgment:

• "Not Yet"

• there is a tremendous amount of pressure upon BOTH of these fine people to make a potentially catastrophic decision.

• L-8 would need to be activated because this divorce would involve a huge destructive lifestyle change for virtually everyone in their extended family, but particularly their beloved children (see children's nativities below)

• wife = in the period of a divorce lord L-2 Shukra = L-1 from Chandra

• husband = period of L-11 Surya = L-7 from Chandra

• At this time, due to the pressures of gochara Shani and Rahu-Ketu, they are both indeed vulnerable to the dissolution of the emotional bond of marriage.

• The present bhukti periods are supportive of their mutual Chandra positions, which evokes the pleasure and priority of Parenting

  ---

Kanya and Mangala

• Once in every mahadasha, the Kanya Lagna female will enter the notorious L-3+L-8 Kuja bhukti which can involve occult undertakings and hidden affairs

  • Kuja = L-2 from Chandra and L-8 from lagna, certainly a recipe for restless inquiry

• Barring extreme circumstances, Kanya tend not to divorce.

• Kanya natives Franklin D. Roosevelt, Dwight D. Eisenhower , Harry Truman , John F. Kennedy were generally skillful in managing the public relations communications required for hiding indiscretions L-3+L-8. Bill Clinton's personal affairs were exposed due to his exacerbating Mesha Chandra/8.

• Unless Surya is very prominent Kanya natives tend to keep their private business private.

Background:

Assessment:

• Given the dominant role played by Shani in both nativities (see tables below) it is understandable that they did not leave the marriage due to lack of love.

• Rather, they chose to emphasize the duty aspect of marriage. Building material security, calendar-time parenting, and meeting social expectations became the dominant goals of their union.

• Despite their increasing emotional distance, neither partner anticipated divorce. Each partner grew increasingly lonely in one's own world, but the marriage survived.

• All parties were surprised when female's Budha/Shukra period raised her Chandra+Shukra "sweets" permission to fall in love, outside the marriage. This almost miraculous entry of a romantic lover into her materially full but emotionally empty life created a great stir. Finally she could admit the reality of her deprivation. (Under Shani.)

• Yet the crisis of decision which then ensued for her, her spouse, and their network of invested relatives was devastating. Both partners entered a deep depression, not knowing which way to go.

Jyotisha forecasting requires seeing the situation from as many different Jyotisha perspectives as possible.

First, consider the very positive origins: marriage in Shukra period for both spouses is auspicious for balance, harmony, and mutual good will. They began the relationship in love.

Male marriage timing:

• Guru/Shukra period. Shukra = a natural marriage-maker

• Rahu/Ketu in Makara/Karkata, crossing D-9 lagna + Shukra

Female marriage timing:

• Shani/Shukra period. Shukra = a natural marriage-maker, and Shani = navamsha L-1

• Rahu/Ketu in Makara/Karkata, crossing radix nodal axis

Is any current or near term Vimshottari period combined with requisite Rahu-Ketu transits, likely to give a divorce?

Potential female divorce timing:

• Budha/Shukra where Shukra = L-2, a powerfully swakshetra graha which can bring in a deep need for regeneration resulting in a new lover. When the existing marriage is deeply stuck and cannot regenerate+ L-2 can trigger a divorce.

• (Shukra in Mars navamsha also gives the effect of the other divorce-maker+ L-8 Kuja.)

• gochara Rahu/Ketu 10/2006-4/2008, Kumbha/Simha = navamsha lagna

The male appears to be in very steady mahadasha and his forecast for marital stability (with grievances) will not worsen until mahadasha of L-12 Budha.

Most likely, Chandra's attachments to family, parenting, and the wealth of the estate will be preventative, because Shukra = L-1 from Chandra.

Rahu/Ketu

The lunar nodes play a significant role in matters of marriage. Rahu-Ketu are even more important predictors in matters of Divorce.

Any type of major identity change will engage the lunar nodes in one of the primary axes (D-1, D-9 nodal axes, lagna axes, or Chandra axes) because psycho-socially speaking, identity change is a Taboo activity.

Rahu's job is to break taboo. If Rahu enjoys good yogas with other Graha, Rahu will have ritual support for the taboo-boundary-crossing. If Rahu is well-placed, His mandate to destabilize social structures by changing the rules and crossing barriers, can produce safe and socially legitimated identity change.

• E.g., institutionally validated "safe" identity changes stimulated by Rahu-Ketu can be expressed via a vow-taking ceremonies and other legitimating rites of passage. (Marriage, holy orders, bar mitzvah, anointment of a new child, etc.) Socially threatening or unsafe changes that do not receive legitimating support might be e.g., gender change, divorce, suicide, etc.

Socially unsupported Rahu-induced changes tend to rise up forcefully from the subconscious, and they feel utterly inevitable. Unfortunately for nativities where Rahu is permanently or temporarily by transit, in hostile relationship to Shani (the main social control agent) these psychically essential identity changes are met with social hostility.

If a rashi of Shani occupies a key identity axis for the native , and then gochara Rahu enters that axis, the inherently adversarial nature of Shani and Rahu becomes inflamed. When the Makara-Karkata or Kumbha-Simha axis contains Grahaor lagnas, the impacted Grahaand lagnas fall victim to the change-vs-stability conflict inherent in the adversarial Shani-Rahu relationship.

At these times, karma of ignorant public reaction and fear of rejection will dominate the native 's experience. In essence, the native 's tribal ethos has not yet developed ritual means for guiding the specific psycho-emotional changes which are urgently required by the native 's Rahu desires. the native 's deep, subconsciously fueled desires meet with an ignorant, ostracizing and frequently punitive social response. Society declares the native 's actions "unethical". "Ethos" means simply the custom of a people. So from Shani's one-note perspective, the native 's action's are in fact unethical: that is, they fall outside the prescribed behaviors deemed safe by the tribe.

Divorce, which contradicts the social dictates governing orderly transmission of property and privilege down the generations, is severely frowned upon in the property-owning classes of all societies. A well-resourced Shani in any nativity usually signals property ownership, including children. Therefore, one of the most common effects of a Rahu-Shani turf war for members of the property-owning classes is Divorce. (By contrast the same battle in the servant classes will be fought at the taboo boundary of the physical body itself, often involving crimes of bodily harm.)

Rahu-Ketu affects the Children

• Typically Rahu-Ketu crosses a significant axis in the kundali of the children, when their parents undergo divorce.

• Children of divorcing parents must experience a major identity shiftwhile their parents are negotiating a safe passage through this socially taboo zone. The kids are learning to handle the stigma and anxiety. Society, ruled by Shani who abhors any type of change, exposes rule-breakers with a punishing spotlight, while the divorce is being conducted.

• Kundali for two of the children from this marriage show that Rahu-Ketu's transit through the Kumbha-Simha axis will cross their radix lagna, simultaneously affecting the D-9 lagna of one and the D-9 nodes of the other. Clearly the 10/2006-4/2008, Kumbha/Simha nodal transit will be an identity-transforming time for the children.

• The dual impact in both navamsha suggests that the general exotic social changes always associated with Rahu crossing through Shani's terrain is particularly related to their parents' change of marriage status. (If these children were adults, the prediction for Rahu transit through Kumbha would be for a significant change to their own marriage status. While children, our parents' marriage *is* our marriage.)

The children's Jyotisha susceptibility to impact from gochara Rahu-Ketu during the 10/2006-4/2008, Kumbha/Simha nodal transit suggests that they will both experience a socially conflicted identity shift at the same time.

This Rahu-Ketu impact in the children's piece of the puzzle makes divorce or a major social change in the parents' relationship more likely.

Both partners are powerfully influenced by Shani's sense of public accountability, dignity, position, stability, loyalty, and conformity to social expectations.

• A strong sense of Duty and responsibility, along with enjoyment of material security, has sustained this partnership for many years.

• One way to determine if the value of social responsibility and security will override other values such as emotional healing or true love that might be advanced through divorce from this marriage, is to estimate the power of Shani (karaka for Dutifulness) in the partners' nativities:

Shani, Guru and Hubby:

• The female is also much oriented to love and harmonious relationships from swakshetra Shukra. However Shukra goes somewhat awry in navamsha, where He gives the effect of splitting the joint assets of marriage from L-8 Kuja amplified by Rahu.

• One very significant restraint on the likelihood of separation and/or divorce in the female L-2 period is the fact that both L-7 Guru and L-5 Shani, which represent the interest of husband and children, cast drishti upon Chandra. The husband is a source of abundance and the children are a source of responsibility.

• Faced in L-2 Shukra bhukti with the choice between potential for sweet pleasures with a deeply emotional love partner (Chandra + Shukra) versus a known source of abundance (albeit problematic) AND an established, incontrovertible responsibility for children, the native will feel massively conflicted.

Chandra, Shani and Mom

• Chandra has the dominant degree in the female's radix house-2, which means that Chandra's intention can dominate Shukra's taste.

• Shukra strives for harmony, emotional and aesthetic balance, social union; Chandra strives for security and protection.

• Both Shukra and Chandra receive drishti from Shani. Shani's conservative, material values infuse her maternal identity.

• A keynote of "good behavior" in any nativity will be Shani's drishti upon Moon = a judgmental and emotionally constrained mother.

• Because Shani is swakshetra in the auspicious putra bhava, and Chandra shares balancing, gracious Thula with swakshetra Shukra in the rashi where Shani is exalted, the mother's sense of propriety and restraint is sensible, dignified, and elite. the native is highly attuned to social expectations and skillful in meeting them.

• However, the casualty of any Shani drishti to Moon - no matter how dignified - is A loss of emotional freedom.

• Given the predominant influence of Shani in the female radix, it is possible that the mother's judgmentalism is so deeply embedded in the daughter's subconscious that not even a bhukti of sweet-pleasures L-2 swakshetra Shukra can dislodge Shani's mandate for duty above all.

• Shani + Ketu opens a window to Ketu's doubt. Shani is not a Vimshottari time lord yet, and He will not become one for another decade. Shani's current transit contacts the radix Guru/Surya axis and navamsha lagna, signifying separations from the abundance source and major restructuring of relationship identities.

• Most likely Shani's current business is "Ketu-ized" - doubt that Shani's conservative, materialistic demand for position and security -

The male is in addition to dutiful Shani also much influenced by Guru. Swakshetra Guru although a protecting force in the house of enemies (6) brings health problems and debts. Furthermore Guru is fallen in navamsha, where He gives the results of separator Shani.

In conclusion, this aspect of the evaluation - general character of the one or two dominant planets that govern the native s' lives overall, suggests that while remarkable responsible and focused on material well being, the female has a strong entitlement to love which she will regularly try to claim under Shukra periods, and the male has a general tendency toward miserableness even in his prosperity due to the inauspicious placements of Guru.

Yes, the female will probably request divorce in Shukra period unless some therapeutic avenue for lifting the male out of his lifelong misery can be located.

hat will be the final inquiry: is reconciliation, with all its benefits of retaining the estate and protecting the children volatile social changes, a possibility in this Jyotisha picture?

There are good psycho-emotional connections that show empathy and nurturing care, between the partners:

• her radix Moon axis matches his navamsha nodes, and his radix lagna

• his radix Moon in her navamsha lagna

• heir mutual Chandra positions are compatible by rashi:

  • his Kumbha Chandra and her ThulaChandra in the rashis of mutual friends Shani and Shukra

• by Nakshatra , his Moon in Shatavisakhya/padaa-1 has with her Moon in Swati/padaa-4 has reasonably good compatibility (Dennis Harkness' table via BV Raman in The Nakshatra gives a Nakshatra compatibility rating of "22", on a scale of 2 through 38 -- moderately good)

There are also some classic marriage-trouble markers:

• Her L-7 Guru occupies 12th-from-swakshetra, in a rashi of Shani.

  • L-7 in any dushthamsha = spouse has health issues and "refreshment" of marriage is not easy. Effort toward negotiating new marital agreements may habitually get stuck in the doldrums.

  • In particular+ L-7 in Ari Sthana shows suppressed conflict with spouse and adversarial attitude toward counselors-advisers, leading to digestive troubles for both husband and wife.

  • Note that at the time of inquiry, Rahu-Ketu transit through Kumbha-Simha axis had begun, triggering this suppressed-conflict Guru which is normally kept contained by Guru's lord, the duty-oriented Shani. The transit is in effect 10/2006-4/2008, with Rahu poised to contact the problematizing L-7 in late summer 2007. Problematizersare very good at describing problems but not generally motivated to solve problems.

• His L-7 Kuja in lagna, creating kuja dosha on the marriage house. Generally passionate and argumentative, a bit reckless in relationships, and will take the initiative in stirring up conflicts. (Although a troublesome marriage item, this Kuja is very good for the politics of public life, esp. for taking business decisions and starting new projects.)

Is reconciliation / return to marriage an option?

• Given that gochara Rahu-Ketu is now poised to make a major impact on everyone in their immediate family, the Jyotisha indicators strongly suggest a psychologically significant redefinition of identity. However it would be necessary for BOTH of the spouses to be in a divorce bhukti (L-2+ L-6+ L-8 or Ketu) and the fact is that the male is not in a divorce phase. His kuja dosha makes him a more difficult than average marriage partner perhaps, but he is not in the sort of Vimshottari period that triggers divorce.

• Discontent, yes. Divorce, no.

OK, so the marriage will continue.

How to handle low expectations and damaged trust?

• Consciousness is an amazing thing. Consciousness can, when fully deployed in pure compassion, destroy karma on the spot. This works because pure compassion is the utter opposite of dehumanization. If we can, in a pure moment, see the other person as an expression of God, all interactive karma is ended: we have learned the lesson. So, it is always possible to fundamentally reorganize the relationship, rewrite the marriage contract, redefine the partnership goals, and rejuvenate the love long lost which once caused these partners to pledge their lifetime loyalty.

• Rahu will also support this type of utterly radical, intensely therapeutic,extreme makeoverof the marriage contract.

• However, given:

  • the fundamentally Shani-driven work-and-performance orientation of the leading indicators for both natives

  • weakness of radix L-7 in both spouse's nativities,

  • the oncoming catastrophic transit through the always delicate Shani-Surya axis (catastrophic for Shani's terrain of social stability, conformity, and non-change; beneficial for spiritually authentic new identity of all kinds)

  • Shani's oncoming transit through Simha [11-12/2006 then 7/2007 to 9/2009] which brings personal ethics to the lowest common denominator...

• It seems unlikely that reconciliation will be seriously undertaken. Such a project after all requires tremendous personal faith and usually occurs only within a highly protected religious setting in which broken vows can be repaired via specific rituals.

Remarriage for either spouse?

Eventually, yes.

• Female: very auspicious second marriage due to Chandra and swakshetra Shukra in house-2. Because L-7 Guru occupies a (Vargottamsha, extra strong) rashi of Shani, the focus of marriage-1 is duty and responsibility esp. re: moral and material duties of raising children. Because L-2 Shukra occupies a rashi of Kuja, the focus of marriage-2 is vital physical activity including energetic intellectual and professional achievements.

• Male: moderately auspicious 2nd marriage. Kuja when He is bhukti pati is certainly empowered to forcefully effect a switch from marraL-7+L-2 Kuja = Not much change of personal behavioral response from first marriage to second marriage. Mangala occupies a navamsha of Guru = the focus of both marriages is to buffer the native 's tendency toward self-destructive actions with some degree of spiritual wisdom and material comfort, including the soothing effect of children in a family home. Both the first and second spouses are likely "enablers" with absorptive personalities that accommodate the native 's turbulent moods.

May all beings venerate life as a state of deep spiritual intimacy.

Q: You see the Jyotisha patterns and say that we still have a choice. I feel doomed because in my heart I love one man for deep eternity, but in my public life I am married to another man who performs all of his marital and parenting duties almost perfectly....

• Is it possible for me to bring the depth of emotional commitment into my legal marriage, that I feel for my Great Love?

It would be a new feeling for my husband and I... not completely new since we were in love when we married but that wonderful feeling is long gone through years of building careers and raising children. Is it possible that I could somehow transfer the Great Love I feel for another, into my existing marriage? It would certainly be good for the children.

As to whether the current marriage could be rehabilitated -yes, it could. But the task would be to shut down the old habits and agreements (spoken and unspoken) which are heavily oriented toward the goals of achieving (higher and higher levels of) professional service and social dignity -- and re-open the intimate conversation of marriage on a quite *radically* new tack.

marriage can be overhauled, in deep therapy, e.g. The Harville Hendrix method - but each partner has to be seriously committed to making the other partner's well-being - rather than ulterior purposes which the marriage serves (legitimation, wealth-building, security etc) -- the center of their attention.

Basically the rejuvenated marriage becomes a ongoing interpersonal psychotherapy, rather than a vehicle for any type of external validation. The couple stops caring what other people think, whether either of them is socially confirmed to be "right" or not, and devotes their full attention to healing the wounds of each other's childhood.

However, looking at your husband's chart, I'm not sure he would grasp the point of a truly deep-healing marriage process. He is currently in Shani/Surya period which is characteristically a public validationphase, focused on proving one's social worth, giving strong external performance and doing the "right" thing.

Being that much externally focused usually requires suppressing anything emotional that gets in the way of passing the test of public worth.

But I wouldn't want to prejudge a person based on what I see in the stars. If he really, really wants to make his marriage a healthy place, then it's very much worth a try. The good news is that he is in a hard-working life phase - so he might have the power to make a commitment to heal. Like everyone else he would need help to sustain the commitment...

He would need to be able to comprehend the difference between *Healing* the marriage versus "preserving" the marriage. No matter how much other people (children, relatives, mortgage banks) might benefit from preserving the marriage, living a lie is spiritually destructive to both partners. He would have to grasp, and be able to work effortfully toward, the goal of replacing a "performance model" of marriage with a radically new program for living in authentic emotional connection.

Despite the fact that marriage is the core relationship of their lives, truly caring for the emotional health of their wives is something most men find very hard to do. Because, of course, emotional authenticity is reciprocal. If they acknowledge their wives' needs and feelings, they will end up acknowledging their own. And emotional need, for most executive men, is an established "no-fly zone".

They just don't go there.

But, if the threat of losing his wife is enough to motivate a sincere effort to stop numbing, posturing, overworking -- to dynamite the whole arsenal of self-righteous criticism and dump the John Wayne act -- then yes, maybe....

The Harville Hendrix-style rehabilitation/rejuvenation can work - amazingly well - but it has a few prerequisites which might be difficult to meet. Since most people psychically check out of their marriages some years before an affair or other crisis brings the conflict to the surface, dealing honestly with the interpersonal stress is quite hard to do. Adults develop sophisticated, deeply embedded coping behaviors that allow them to tolerate a good deal of marital unhappiness while still believing that, on balance, everything is really OK.Learning to dis-assemble the coping behaviorscan be quite a challenge.

• BUT - if the couple are both willing to quit the usual escapes of drugs, criticism, affairs, compulsive reading or TV-watching, over-scheduling, obsession with children's activities, etc. etc. The hardest part for decent, educated folks is giving up being "right" - giving up criticism. Very hard!!

p>And let's be frank about the fact that you are in a classic divorce period of L-2 (Shukra) and your husband bhukti-pat Surya occupies a navamsha of his L-2 Kuja. So the divorce markers are there, and if you made a go of it you would be pulling back from the brink.

• Yes, yes - it *is* possible. The task of rejuvenating a broken marriage is daunting but entirely do-able. The task requires *access to feelings* which may, for persons long locked into a defensive posture, be simply too frightening to try. A man with mother trauma is unlikely to want to remove his protective shell; his reptile-brain survival voice tells him to defend himself.

• But if it means enough to him, he might try to override his survival defenses, his terror of releasing full anger, and 60 years of self-preserving habits...

You on the other hand are under the powerful influence of the death-lord L-2. You are going to blast through to emotional truth no matter what anyone else does, because you feel like you will die if you don't. (And this is true, you are dying a spiritual death being deprived of human sweetness.)

Sorry for long long long answer... rejuvenation is in fact possible depending on how much permission to access their true feelings can be obtained by each of the partners . Your permission to enjoy sweetness in adult company - albeit outside your marriage - is running high right now. Your husband's permission to have sweetness seems to be overwhelmed by his sense of public dignity and duty. Still, he could rally -- and certainly he deserves the chance!

Barbara Pijan Lama, Jyotisha

file update: 10-May-2012

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