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Divorce 14 Sixteen-year Marriage, with Children Divorce or Reconciliation?
Dual-professional couple met in the workplace, formed a love marriage, and traveled to a new land, where they gained social respectability and wealth.
General overview of marriage links:
Vimshottari periods:
At the time of the Query: Ketu and Shani transiting Simha Rashi female = Rahu gochara D-9 lagna + Shani gochara D-9 yuvati male = Rahu gochara Chandra + Shani gochara drishti Chandra Gochara Rahu/Ketu crossing Kumbha/Simha =
Gochara Shani crossing Simha =
Bhukti at time of query:
Quick Judgment:
Kanya and Mangala
Background:
First, consider the very positive origins: marriage in Shukra period for both spouses is auspicious for
balance, harmony, and mutual good will. They began the relationship
Male marriage timing:
Female marriage timing:
Is any current or near term Vimshottari period combined with requisite Rahu-Ketu transits, likely to give a divorce? Potential female divorce timing:
The male appears to be in very steady mahadasha and his forecast for marital stability (with grievances) will not worsen until mahadasha of L-12 Budha.
Most likely, Chandra's attachments to family,
parenting, and the wealth of the estate will be preventative,
because
The lunar nodes play a significant role in matters of
marriage. Rahu-Ketu are even
more important predictors in matters of Divorce. Any type of major identity change will
engage the lunar nodes in one of the primary axes (D-1, D-9 nodal axes, lagna axes,
or Chandra axes) because psycho-socially speaking, identity change is a Taboo
activity. Rahu's job is to break taboo. If Rahu
enjoys good yogas with other Graha, Rahu will have ritual support for the
taboo-boundary-crossing. If Rahu is well-placed, His mandate to
destabilize social structures by changing the rules and crossing barriers, can
produce safe and socially
legitimated identity change. E.g., institutionally validated
"safe" identity
changes stimulated by Rahu-Ketu can be expressed via a vow-taking ceremonies
and other legitimating rites of passage. (Marriage, holy
orders, bar mitzvah, anointment of a new child, etc.) Socially
threatening or unsafe changes that do not receive legitimating support might
be e.g., gender change, divorce, suicide, etc. Socially unsupported Rahu-induced changes
tend to rise up forcefully from the subconscious, and they feel utterly
inevitable. Unfortunately for nativities where Rahu is permanently or
temporarily by transit, in hostile relationship to Shani (the main social
control agent) these psychically essential identity changes are met with
social hostility. If a rashi of Shani occupies a key identity
axis for the native , and then gochara Rahu enters that axis, the inherently
adversarial nature of Shani and Rahu becomes inflamed. When the
Makara-Karkata or Kumbha-Simha axis contains Grahaor lagnas, the impacted
Grahaand lagnas fall victim to the change-vs-stability conflict inherent in
the adversarial Shani-Rahu relationship. At these times, karma of ignorant public
reaction and fear of rejection will dominate the native 's experience. In
essence, the native 's tribal ethos has not yet developed ritual means for
guiding the specific psycho-emotional changes which are urgently required by
the native 's Rahu desires. the native 's deep, subconsciously fueled
desires meet with an ignorant, ostracizing and frequently punitive social
response. Society declares the native 's actions
"unethical". "Ethos" means simply the custom of a
people. So from Shani's one-note perspective, the native 's action's are in
fact unethical: that is, they fall outside the prescribed behaviors deemed
safe by the tribe. Divorce, which contradicts the social
dictates governing orderly transmission of property and privilege down the
generations, is severely frowned upon in the property-owning classes of all societies.
A well-resourced Shani in any nativity usually signals property ownership,
including children. Therefore, one of the most common effects of a
Rahu-Shani turf war for members of the property-owning classes is
Divorce. (By contrast the same battle in the servant classes will be
fought at the taboo boundary of the physical body itself, often involving
crimes of bodily harm.)
Rahu-Ketu affects the Children Typically Rahu-Ketu crosses a significant axis in the
kundali of the children, when their parents undergo divorce. Children of divorcing parents must experience a major
identity shiftwhile their parents are negotiating
a safe passage through this socially taboo zone. The kids are learning to handle the stigma and
anxiety. Society, ruled by Shani who abhors any type of change, exposes
rule-breakers with a punishing spotlight, while the divorce is being conducted.
Kundali for two of the children from this
marriage show that Rahu-Ketu's transit through the Kumbha-Simha axis will
cross their radix lagna, simultaneously affecting the D-9 lagna of one and the D-9
nodes of the other. Clearly the 10/2006-4/2008, Kumbha/Simha nodal
transit will be an identity-transforming time for the
children. The dual impact in both navamsha suggests
that the general exotic social changes always associated with Rahu crossing
through Shani's terrain is particularly related to their parents' change of
marriage status. (If these children were adults, the prediction for Rahu
transit through Kumbha would be for a significant change to their own marriage
status. While children, our parents' marriage *is* our marriage.)
The children's Jyotisha susceptibility to impact from
gochara Rahu-Ketu during the 10/2006-4/2008, Kumbha/Simha nodal transit suggests
that they will both experience a socially conflicted identity shift at the same time.
This Rahu-Ketu impact in the children's piece of the puzzle makes divorce or a major social
change in the parents' relationship more likely. Both partners are powerfully influenced by Shani's sense of public
accountability, dignity, position, stability, loyalty, and conformity to social
expectations. A strong sense of Duty and responsibility, along with enjoyment of
material security, has sustained this partnership for many years. One way to determine if the value of social responsibility and security will override other values such as
emotional healing or true love that might be advanced through divorce from this
marriage, is to estimate the power of Shani (karaka for
Dutifulness) in the partners' nativities: Female: Shani dominates,
Shukra too The
Seven rashi-owning graha Extra credit for being lord of Chandra or
lagna in D-1 or D-9:
= lord of Arudha lagna = lord of 10th navamsha # of planets in His rashi, in radix (including
Rahu/Ketu) # of graha in His rashi, in navamsha
(including Rahu/Ketu)
Atmakaraka 1 2 0 3 Mars 0 0 3 3 Mercury =lord of Arudha lagna = lord of 10th navamsha 2 3 0 5 Jupiter 2 0 1 3 1 2 2 5 1 3 2 6
7 9 9 25 Male: Shani dominates, Guru
too The
Seven rashi-owning graha Extra credit for being lord of Chandra or
lagna in D-1 or D-9:
- lord of Arudha lagna = lord of 10th navamsha # of planets in His rashi, in radix (including
Rahu/Ketu) # of graha in His rashi, in navamsha
(including Rahu/Ketu)
lord of Arudha lagna
2 1 2 5 Mars 0 0 2 2 Mercury
- Atmakaraka 1 2 1 4 Jupiter 1 2 3 6 1 1 1 3 2 2 1 5
7 9 9 25
Shani, Guru and Hubby: The female is also much oriented to love and harmonious relationships from
swakshetra Shukra. However Shukra goes somewhat awry in navamsha, where He gives
the effect of splitting the joint assets of marriage from L-8 Kuja amplified by
Rahu.
One very significant restraint on the likelihood of separation and/or
divorce in the female L-2 period is the fact that both L-7 Guru and L-5 Shani, which represent the interest of husband and children, cast drishti upon
Chandra. The husband is a source of abundance and the children are a
source of responsibility. Faced in L-2 Shukra bhukti with the choice between potential for
sweet pleasures
with a deeply emotional love partner (Chandra + Shukra) versus a known source of abundance (albeit
problematic) AND an established, incontrovertible responsibility for children,
the native will feel massively conflicted.
Chandra, Shani and Mom Chandra has the dominant degree in the female's radix house-2, which means that
Chandra's intention can dominate Shukra's taste. Shukra strives for harmony, emotional and aesthetic balance, social
union; Chandra strives for security and protection. Both Shukra and Chandra receive drishti from Shani. Shani's conservative, material values infuse
her maternal identity. A keynote of "good behavior" in
any nativity will be Shani's drishti upon Moon = a judgmental
and emotionally constrained mother. Because Shani is swakshetra in the
auspicious putra bhava, and Chandra shares balancing, gracious Thula with
swakshetra Shukra in the rashi where Shani is exalted, the mother's
sense of propriety and restraint is sensible, dignified, and elite. the native is highly attuned to social expectations
and skillful in meeting them. However, the casualty of any Shani drishti
to Moon - no matter how dignified - is A loss of emotional
freedom. Given the predominant influence of Shani in
the female radix, it is possible that the mother's judgmentalism is so deeply
embedded in the daughter's subconscious that not even a bhukti of
sweet-pleasures L-2 swakshetra Shukra can dislodge Shani's mandate for duty
above all. Shani + Ketu opens a
window to Ketu's doubt. Shani is not a Vimshottari time lord yet, and He will not
become one for another decade. Shani's current transit contacts the radix
Guru/Surya axis and navamsha lagna, signifying separations from the abundance
source and major restructuring of relationship identities. Most likely Shani's current business is
"Ketu-ized" - doubt that Shani's conservative, materialistic demand
for position and security - The male is in addition to dutiful Shani also much influenced by Guru.
Swakshetra Guru although a protecting force in the house of enemies (6) brings
health problems and debts. Furthermore Guru is fallen in navamsha, where
He gives the results of separator Shani. In conclusion, this aspect of the evaluation
- general character of the one or two dominant planets that govern the native s'
lives overall, suggests that while remarkable responsible and focused on
material well being, the female has a strong entitlement to love which she will
regularly try to claim under Shukra periods, and the male has a general tendency
toward miserableness even in his prosperity due to the inauspicious placements
of Guru. Yes, the female will probably request divorce
in Shukra period unless some therapeutic avenue for lifting the male out of his
lifelong misery can be located. hat will be the final inquiry: is
reconciliation, with all its benefits of retaining the estate and protecting the
children volatile social changes, a possibility in this Jyotisha picture?
There are good psycho-emotional connections that show empathy and
nurturing care, between the partners: her radix Moon axis matches his
navamsha nodes, and his radix lagna his radix Moon in her navamsha lagna heir mutual Chandra positions are
compatible by rashi:
his Kumbha Chandra and her ThulaChandra in the rashis of mutual friends Shani and Shukra by Nakshatra ,
his Moon in Shatavisakhya/padaa-1
has with her Moon in Swati/padaa-4
has reasonably good compatibility (Dennis Harkness' table via BV Raman in The Nakshatra gives a Nakshatra compatibility rating of
"22", on a scale of 2 through 38 -- moderately good) There are also some classic
marriage-trouble markers: Her L-7 Guru occupies
12th-from-swakshetra, in a rashi of Shani.
L-7 in any dushthamsha = spouse has health
issues and "refreshment" of marriage is not easy. Effort toward
negotiating new marital agreements may habitually get stuck in the
doldrums. In particular+ L-7 in Ari Sthana shows
suppressed conflict with spouse
and
adversarial attitude toward counselors-advisers, leading to digestive
troubles for both husband and wife. Note that at the time of inquiry,
Rahu-Ketu transit through Kumbha-Simha axis had begun, triggering this
suppressed-conflict Guru which is normally kept contained by
Guru's lord, the duty-oriented Shani. The transit is in effect 10/2006-4/2008, with Rahu
poised to contact the problematizing L-7
in late summer 2007. Problematizersare
very good at describing problems but not generally motivated to
solve problems. His L-7 Kuja in lagna, creating kuja
dosha on the marriage house. Generally passionate and argumentative, a
bit reckless in relationships, and will take the initiative in stirring up
conflicts. (Although a troublesome marriage item, this Kuja is very good for
the politics of public life, esp. for taking business decisions and starting
new projects.) Is reconciliation / return to marriage
an option? Given that gochara Rahu-Ketu is now
poised to make a major impact on everyone in their immediate family, the
Jyotisha indicators strongly suggest a psychologically significant
redefinition of identity. However it would be necessary for BOTH of the
spouses to be in a divorce bhukti (L-2+ L-6+ L-8 or Ketu) and the fact is that
the male is not in a divorce phase. His kuja dosha makes him a more difficult
than average marriage partner perhaps, but he is not in the sort of
Vimshottari period that triggers divorce. Discontent, yes. Divorce, no. OK, so the marriage will continue. How to handle low expectations
and damaged trust? Consciousness is an amazing
thing. Consciousness can, when fully deployed in pure compassion,
destroy karma on the spot. This works because pure compassion is the
utter opposite of dehumanization. If we can, in a pure moment, see the
other person as an expression of God, all interactive karma is ended: we
have learned the lesson. So, it is always possible to fundamentally
reorganize the relationship, rewrite the marriage contract, redefine the
partnership goals, and rejuvenate the love long lost which once caused these
partners to pledge their lifetime loyalty. Rahu will also support this type of
utterly radical, intensely therapeutic,extreme makeoverof the marriage
contract. However, given:
the fundamentally Shani-driven
work-and-performance orientation of the leading indicators for both
natives weakness of radix L-7 in both
spouse's nativities, the oncoming catastrophic transit
through the always delicate Shani-Surya axis (catastrophic for Shani's
terrain of social stability, conformity, and non-change; beneficial for
spiritually authentic new identity of all kinds) Shani's oncoming transit through
Simha [11-12/2006 then 7/2007 to 9/2009] which brings personal ethics to
the lowest common denominator... It seems unlikely that reconciliation
will be seriously undertaken. Such a project after all requires
tremendous personal faith and usually occurs only within a highly protected
religious setting in which broken vows can be repaired via specific
rituals. Remarriage for either spouse? Eventually, yes. Female: very auspicious second marriage
due to Chandra and swakshetra Shukra in house-2. Because L-7 Guru
occupies a (Vargottamsha, extra strong) rashi of Shani, the focus of
marriage-1 is duty and responsibility esp. re: moral and material duties
of raising children. Because L-2 Shukra occupies a rashi of Kuja, the
focus of marriage-2 is vital physical activity including energetic
intellectual and professional achievements. Male: moderately auspicious 2nd
marriage. Kuja when He is bhukti pati is certainly empowered to forcefully
effect a switch from marraL-7+L-2 Kuja = Not much change of personal
behavioral response from first marriage to second marriage. Mangala occupies a navamsha of Guru
= the focus
of both marriages is to buffer the native 's tendency toward self-destructive
actions with some degree of spiritual wisdom and material comfort, including
the soothing effect of children in a family home. Both the first and
second spouses are likely "enablers" with absorptive personalities
that accommodate the native 's turbulent moods.
May all beings venerate life as a
state of deep spiritual intimacy. Q: You see the Jyotisha patterns and say that we still have a
choice. I feel doomed because in my heart I love one man for deep
eternity, but in my public life I am married to another man who performs all of
his marital and parenting duties almost perfectly.... Is it possible for me to bring the depth of emotional commitment into my
legal marriage, that I feel for my Great Love? It would be a new feeling for my husband and I... not completely new since
we were in love when we married but that wonderful feeling is long gone through
years of building careers and raising children. Is it possible that I
could somehow transfer the Great Love I feel for another, into my existing
marriage? It would certainly be good for the children. As to whether the current marriage could be rehabilitated -yes, it could. But the task would be to shut down the old habits and agreements (spoken and unspoken) which are heavily oriented toward the goals of achieving (higher and higher levels of) professional service and social dignity -- and re-open the intimate conversation of marriage on a quite *radically* new tack. marriage can be overhauled, in deep therapy, e.g. The Harville Hendrix method - but each partner has to be seriously committed to making the other partner's well-being - rather than ulterior purposes which the marriage serves (legitimation, wealth-building, security etc) -- the center of their attention. Basically the rejuvenated marriage becomes a ongoing interpersonal psychotherapy, rather than a vehicle for any type of external validation. The couple stops caring what other people think, whether either of them is socially confirmed to be "right" or not, and devotes their full attention to healing the wounds of each other's childhood.
However, looking at your husband's chart, I'm not sure he would grasp the point of a truly deep-healing marriage process. He is currently in Shani/Surya period which is characteristically a public validationphase, focused on proving one's social worth, giving strong external performance and doing the "right" thing. Being that much externally focused usually requires suppressing anything emotional that gets in the way of passing the test of public worth. But I wouldn't want to prejudge a person based on what I see in the stars. If he really, really wants to make his marriage a healthy place, then it's very much worth a try. The good news is that he is in a hard-working life phase - so he might have the power to make a commitment to heal. Like everyone else he would need help to sustain the commitment... He would need to be able to comprehend the difference between *Healing* the marriage versus "preserving" the marriage. No matter how much other people (children, relatives, mortgage banks) might benefit from preserving the marriage, living a lie is spiritually destructive to both partners. He would have to grasp, and be able to work effortfully toward, the goal of replacing a "performance model" of marriage with a radically new program for living in authentic emotional connection.
Despite the fact that marriage is the core relationship of their lives, truly caring for the emotional health of their wives is something most men find very hard to do. Because, of course, emotional authenticity is reciprocal. If they acknowledge their wives' needs and feelings, they will end up acknowledging their own. And emotional need, for most executive men, is an established "no-fly zone". They just don't go there. But, if the threat of losing his wife is enough to motivate a sincere effort to stop numbing, posturing, overworking -- to dynamite the whole arsenal of self-righteous criticism and dump the John Wayne act -- then yes, maybe.... The Harville Hendrix-style rehabilitation/rejuvenation can work - amazingly well - but it has a few prerequisites which might be difficult to meet. Since most people psychically check out of their marriages some years before an affair or other crisis brings the conflict to the surface, dealing honestly with the interpersonal stress is quite hard to do. Adults develop sophisticated, deeply embedded coping behaviors that allow them to tolerate a good deal of marital unhappiness while still believing that, on balance, everything is really OK.Learning to dis-assemble the coping behaviorscan be quite a challenge.
You on the other hand are under the powerful influence of the death-lord L-2. You are going to blast through to emotional truth no matter what anyone else does, because you feel like you will die if you don't. (And this is true, you are dying a spiritual death being deprived of human sweetness.) Sorry for long long long answer... rejuvenation is in fact possible depending on how much permission to access their true feelings can be obtained by each of the partners . Your permission to enjoy sweetness in adult company - albeit outside your marriage - is running high right now. Your husband's permission to have sweetness seems to be overwhelmed by his sense of public dignity and duty. Still, he could rally -- and certainly he deserves the chance! p>All the best,Barbara Pijan Lama, Jyotisha |
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